Sunday, June 29, 2014

I'm In The Fast Lane From LA To Tokyo


"First things first I'm the realist."
~~~~~~~
After my last post, many of you commented on my nice house. Thank you so much!! I'm working on it. But I don't want to give anyone the impression that I am one of those Look-At-My-Gorgeous-Home/Children/Cooking/Fashion/LIFE kind of blogs. I LOVE those kind of blogs. I really do. But around here it's more of a Warts-And-All kind of situation. 
 
 
Oops. Burned my toast AGAIN! I actually like burned food. I think that means I have some sort of vitamin deficiency or something.
 
 
I'll doctor it up with some sunflower seed butter and chia seeds. That should help.
 
 
I read the New York Times while I eat breakfast. Even though we live thousands of miles away from New York I just HAVE TO read the New York Times. I never ever read the local newspaper. I have No Idea what is going on around here.
 
 
This is my view every morning. Doggy bottom and a bag o' poop.
I lead such a glamorous life.
I know for a fact that some of you walk out of your door EVERY DAY looking like a Million Bucks.
This is how I walk out of my door.
 
20 year old straw hat ~ needs repair
vintage prescription Ray Bans
souvenir t-shirt from my insurance company for crying out loud!
cut-off grey sweat pants ~ classy!
Reef flip flops.  Reef makes the BEST flip flops. They have an arch support. No kidding!

"Let's get drunk on the mini-bar."
 
 
It has been so long since I've been able to wear "real" shoes that I have acquired a rather impressive flip flop tan line.
 
 
My dusty unworn shoe pile. Sigh...
 
 
This is my Inspiration Board. It explains A Lot. I haven't even gotten around to hanging on the wall.
 
 
 
This is Winda, the first doll I ever owned. She gives my family the creeps so she has to live in the closet.
 
 
Winda is so Punk Rock. This is her original 1950's dress.
 
 
"You should want a bad bitch like this."
~~~~~~~
The experts say that as you get older you should learn a new skill in order to keep your mind nimble. I decided to memorize the lyrics to rap songs so that when they finally haul me off to "the home" I'll probably be mumbling about pimps and ho's. I decided to start with "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea because I thought it would be easy. I performed it for my daughter and the look on her face was either Horror or Delight. It was hard to tell.
 
thrifted polyester lady blouse ~ Goody is right. Polyester is a good summer fabric.
8 year old floppy flares from the sale room at Anthropologie. Love the Anthro sale room.
 
"I can hold you down like I'm givin' lessons in physics."
 
All of my clothing must adhere to the Get-Down Rule. I must be able to easily Get Down onto the ground without hurting or embarrassing myself or anyone around me. Then I have to be able to get back up again. Yep.
 
 
 I inherited this beautiful 1960's fish necklace from my mother-in-law. She loved her jewelry.
 
 
 
So what do you do to keep YOUR brain working smoothly????? 
 
 
I be stuntin' over at Patti's Visible Monday
Hey, who dat over at Anne's 52 Pick-Me-Up?

46 comments:

  1. Oh My Goodness you are crazy funny and I love it!!!! By the way, I was about to place a heaping spoonful of ice cream in my mouth when I scrolled to your pooches ass :) I happen to think learning the lyrics to rap music is very noble. I love to hear about the lives of pimps and ho's...NOT!

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    1. I've been memorizing this stuff but I have no idea what it means. It's most likely extremely inappropriate.

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  2. I love every pic in this post and your attitude is the best! Winda is creepy-amazing. I think it's time she came out of the closet to scare the family into doing your will. Did you say "keep" my brain working smoothly? What if it's not running smoothly from the start? I must be in need of more burnt food. ;). I love that you only read the NYT. xoxox

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  3. Desiree, you have one of the Best Brains EVER!!!!!

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  4. Hi Connie,Mathis post is so hilarious! I always enjoy your honesty and humour. Keep it up!

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  5. Laugh out loud, laugh out loud! Honestly, I can't think what else to say...I'm afraid I might spoil the mood by getting all serious and discussing the merits of Reefs. {They ARE totally the best flip flop evah!!!!} You just make me wanna dance, and sing, and....huh....rap now! I do the weekend issue of The New York Times to keep my mind sharp. It takes me all week, and on one or two occasions, I actually got all the answers. WHOOP! Rap about that baby!

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  6. I'm so fancy, let's get drunk on the minibar and trash this hotel room, yeah!! Whaaa? I like how all your clothes must allow you to git down. My mind is not sharp, it is a rather slippery slope, good for snowboarding and triple cross, whaaa? Your flip flops should be called Reefers. Do they even say that anymore? I adore twice-toasted toast, toasted once then refrigerated and toasted again the next day. It's the hardest recipe I know. And it tastes so good you don't even know it's toast anymore. Connie, I love the ho ho ho's I get here.

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    1. Triple refridgeotoast is very tastey.

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  7. I've been thinking lately about how those perfect blogs are really kind of irritating - this is my perfect home, and these gorgeous clothes that the designer gave to me last time I was in Paris, and they never get dirty at my perfect job writing restaurant reviews for the Evening Snob. I'd much rather see you wearing your insurance company's tee shirt and your cutoff sweats. Real people with real personalities - that's what I like! I'm not crazy about the dog's butt, though.

    Patti mentioned keeping up with new music, and I have to admit I'm a real fuddy duddy when it comes to that. But I like your idea of learning rap songs - how challenging! I'm going to play Iggy Azalea and see if I can listen to the whole thing. Maybe we can do a duet when we finally meet up for that drink!

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  8. You truly made me laugh out loud with this, you bad bitch! Your dog's ass is much nicer than mine too. I'm jealous! But thank you for sharing your "other" side. I like you even more. Now let's have a drink!

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    1. Oh yeah. Let's trash that hotel room!

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  10. Hello Connie,

    We love your refreshing honesty and your blog is definitely different from the 'everything perfectly in its place' types of blogs which we all know and love. But, life is rarely perfect and it is in the imperfections that we can recognise our own humanity, that is what binds us all together. So, it is good to know that we are not alone in being far from perfect but living life to the full, as you so clearly do.

    We believe that trying to be at least competent in the Hungarian language may keep our minds agile in old age. It is fiendishly difficult to learn which we think is a plot by the Hungarians to never be understood by the rest of the world! Our food vocabulary is now passable but we doubt that we shall ever be able to hold our own in a conversation about nuclear physics. Ah well!

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  11. Reef Jandals, well you called them flip flops, are so the best, that is what I wear!! I love your dog walking attire, very serious stuff walking the dog! I eat toast in the mornings, two slices of Vogels cooked twice so it is crunchy, oh yeah!! This morning I had a nut butter of almond, cashew and brazil, and it is divine, or heaven on toast that is hot. Wish you had a photo of your daughters reaction, kids huh, what do they know??

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  12. Ah you are my kind of woman, Connie. Perfection is completely over-rated. And you're my new inspiration to learn rap songs. As of now, I would only be down with The Who and Led at the nursing home. Thanks for sharing with Visible Monday! xox

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    1. Will you still need me? Will you still feed me when I'm 64?

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  13. That's the right kind of attitude. Life is never perfect, why should we be? And I for one never believe those ' perfect' blogs are for real... Those people are just masters at faking it, and if you think about it, how hard can that be? I mean, you choose the pics you post, you stage the pics, style them, photoshop them... I'm sorry, I'm rambling a bit, my brain is a bit foggy, the jet lag hit me real hard again. Yeah, that's a good example of a 'perfect' life: I have two houses in a permanent state of disorder, whatever I need is always in the wrong country, and my brain is switching between two languages...

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  14. I stopped reading our local newspaper after it ran a story with the front page about a man who got a tattoo with his dead relatives ashes - I love you are learning rap songs, blooming brilliant! you can bust a rhyme anywhere (I really don't even know what that means, I do hope it's not rude) and we can all get drunk off the mini bar, we would have a blast! and perfection, pah! let's party instead! x x x

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  15. Ha ha! This cracked me up so much!

    I LOVE it!

    I would have seriously failed the get down and get back up test on Saturday when we went out for supper. That 1950's sequinned dress I wore was so tight it was hard to breathe. Methinks I need to take it to the tailor. I would have fallen and just laid there..."Help! I've fallen wearing vintage fashion and I can't get up!"

    You need to do a video of yourself rapping to that song. I guarantee you'll go viral.

    Your cut off sweats and insurance tee are a real statement. It goes perfectly with your rap lyric,

    "Film star, yeah I’m deluxe
    Classic, expensive, you don't get to touch"

    Nailed it.

    bisous
    Suzanne

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    1. I had a very dangerous vintage clothing disaster of a similar sort which is when I instituted the Get-down rule.

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  16. You are a treasure. You have gorgeous legs and a lovely sense of style, though I am tempted to fly out and beat you with sticks over your dog-walking apparel. Though it DOES serve to highlight the Raybans, no?

    I think flip-flops are glorious. I ignore all fashion advice to the contrary. Thanks for the Reef tip.

    I am keeping my mind young by learning Mandarin with Living Language CD's. I should learn a rap song in Mandarin. Then we will do open mike at a comedy club when I come out to visit you.

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  17. I've given up on my brain working smoothly, but yours, Connie, is a marvel - I can't even understand the lyrics of that song, never mind remember and perform them. I am a sad old crooner, but you are COOL!
    Flip flops - no, can't wear them, anything between my toes is sooooo uncomfortable. I can abide by the Get-Down rule though - you did mean that whatever you wear has to function while you do a disco routine as though you were in your old stomping ground, Studio 54, didn't you? You gotta get up to get down.
    Oh I can't abide those Perfect Life blogs, they make me feel utterly inadequate. Give me burnt toast, doggy bums and a healthy dose of reality every time. Add a gorgeous bloggy friend, and a large helping of humour, and that's my perfect blog, right here! xxxx

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  18. Oh for a life where I could go out in Reef flip flops (I wore my last pair to death, they ARE the best!), shorts, a straw hat and a tee shirt every day without catching hypothermia or being carted off to the loony bin. I'd trade most of my wardrobe in for a life that involved guaranteed daily sunshine.
    Nothing I own conforms to the get down rule as my joints are so knackered i have to have assistance in buckling my shoes but you do look very bad ass. xxx

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  19. Replies
    1. Amanda, my sweetie, YOU are fabulous.

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  20. My sister had a doll very much like Winda (she's just a bit older than you) but I remember there was a bottle that looked like it had milk that sloshed about when you tipped it. If Winda doesn't already have one, I think we need to locate one for her.

    I know all the hip hop songs thanks to summer, open windows, and the teens next door. I was being serenaded in the garden today, and I just kept thinking how very lucky I am to have neighbours that share their music, saving me the effort of getting out my own radio.

    I can't take our local paper either. They had a headline that read, "Mom says she feels like a hormonal cow in a circus." Turns out, it should have read, "Clown", which isn't much better. Remember when papers employed editors? If I got spotted with a NYT around here it would be like the angry townsfolk scene in Frankenstein. I'm not sure I could purchase a print edition locally. Whatever you're doing (rap music, chia seeds, flip flops) keep doing it because you're made out of awesome.

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    1. Oh yes! Winda had that bottle! I had forgotten all about it.

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  21. Bwahahahaha! There's so much to love here!

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  22. I love your easy look in front of your door's house! And the hat is very cute on you! Your nice doll reminds me my Barbie and the hundres days I spent playing with her as a child!
    I completely agree with you about local papers and I don't read them neither...
    p.s.
    a dog's love is so sweet!

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  23. Oh I love this Post! Got visions of you walking your GORGEOUS dog, in your flip flops and insurance t-shirt, while rapping to yourself... Brilliant, sounds like an average day to me! x

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  24. I wasn't sure Winda was even a real name so I googled it and was told that Winda is the Princess of Gusto in Yu gi Oh land which is where my son used to live when he was 8. You, dear Connie are the Princess of Gusto personified x

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    1. Winda is a real name? I'm so happy! Must take a trip to Yu Gi Oh.

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  25. Hahhahahahha, you are too adorable, who need perfection having you around?
    Tons and tons of love
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

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  26. You are so fancy! You're ABSOLUTELY the realist! I love that you memorized your life. Also: I want some of that toast. It looks absolutely delicious to me.

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  27. Aaaahhh! I think you are just the cutest! I love that you memorise rap songs - by the way have you heard the rip-off version of this song "I'm so pregnant"? It's hilarious! I'm preggers right now so of course everyone sent it to me.

    Love your inspiration board! I think they're so important. I had mine out in the lounge room & then realised I'd better put it in the bedroom after my friend came over with her little ones and I realised I have quotes on there with swear words ;-)

    Clare x

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    1. Well, those little kids are going to get exposed to swear words eventually.....

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  28. Hello Connie!

    I think you are super cute in your old tee, hat and shorts!
    I sure hope your are not perfect, ok with me, I'm not perfect as well, nobody is perfect
    Perfection is boring!

    Hugs

    Arianexo

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  29. The get down rule is one everyone should follow! And you look adorable in your t-shirt and straw hat!!

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  30. Connie, you had me rolling with laughter . . . the part about memorizing rap songs as preparation for the old folks homes is precious.
    Keep Smiling and enjoying life.
    Your blogging sister, Connie :)

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